INNER STRENGTH

Yesterday morning at 5 o'clock my cell phone rang. It was Dad. He informed me that my brother, Dale, passed away some time in the night. He died in his sleep. He was 52.
Dale had struggled for a number of years with his health. He had a construction accident years ago that caused him terrible back pain. From there, he went on the prescription meds merry-go-round. Sometimes he would be so medicated that I couldn't understand a word he was saying. Other times, he would be his old self, joking about one thing or another; complaining about one thing or another; enthusiastically talking about the Miami Dolphins and our hope for the upcoming year; or celebrating a NASCAR race.
These last few years things got worse. The "highs" were more frequent. He had heart surgery a few months ago. A few weeks ago he started having unexplained seizures. He seemed to believe that he wasn't long for this world. He was soft towards the Lord and very loving in every coherent phone call we had. We had a good conversation Friday, he sounded good. Sunday morning he was dead.
Although he sensed the end was near, I didn't. I kept believing that if they could just get his meds adjusted and he could get some semblance of balance that things would be good. He was, after all, only 52. He had lots of life to live. When Dad told me, I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I couldn't breathe; my mind swirled. When I got off the phone, I sobbed.
That morning I was planning on preaching on Elders and Deacons. We had a business meeting coming up with a vote on some new By-laws and I needed to teach what the Bible says on such matters. Not fun, but necessary. As I drove to church, my mind was swirling with thoughts. There's no way I can preach today; especially on that topic. I was feeling so discouraged. Dale's dead. Life sucks. I just want to get away. I want to go some place where there are no people and just walk for three weeks. It seemed that every difficulty I had just got larger. I wanted to quit. Not quit living, just quit life. No obligations, no responsibilities, nothing that required energy, thinking, laughter, or interaction.
As I was spiraling downward in my thinking, all of a sudden I sensed the Holy Spirit in the deep place of my soul. There was a strength that I knew He was imparting. I thought of the Scripture phrase, "strengthened by His Spirit in your inner man." (Ephesians 3:16, I looked it up later.) It wasn't a great sense of victory, or praise; just strength. I felt stable. Psalm 1 says that we will be like trees planted by the rivers of water. That's what I felt like. A sturdy oak. Even though the winds of despair were howling around me, and the waters of grief were rising, I could sense God's Spirit firming me up in a deep place.
When I got to church, I looked up passages on strength. I was impressed how often we are told that the Lord will strengthen us.
"For You have armed me with strength for the battle..." (2 Samuel 22:40)
"My soul melts from heaviness; Strengthen me according to your word." (Psalm 119:28)
"In the day when I cried out, You answered me, and made me bold with strength in my soul." 
(Ps 138:3)
"The way of the Lord is strength for the upright..." (Proverbs 10:29)
"It is God who arms me with strength... (Psalm 18:32)
This strength didn't take away the pain. It didn't answer all the questions. I didn't run and jump and shout. It just stabilized me. I have friends that wear knee braces when they play tennis. They say it stabilizes their knees which are susceptible to injury. That's what I felt; internal strength from an external source. His Spirit strengthening my spirit.
My thinking changed from despair and escape to sturdiness and stability. I no longer wanted to run. I wanted to love. I wanted to love God, love His people, feed His flock, strengthen those who, like I, were wobbling.
So the message that morning was not about church polity. I spoke on inner strength. I gave out what I sensed the Lord had put in. As I walked in the sanctuary, I heard a retired pastor speaking to a younger man. "The Lord will not put more on you than He puts in you to handle it." I smiled to myself. That's the message. I wasn't preaching it. I was living it.